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The First Draft

"Write drunk; edit sober."

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For You

Before you

Before you, I didn’t know it was possible to feel my heart scream.

For the butterflies in my stomach to fly out my mouth.

To have to stop what I was doing because I was overwhelmed with emotion.

Before you, my pre-night-time-thought-wandering was confined to my past day. Not ten years from now.

I couldn’t be moved to tears by feeling so much love.

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Your eyes only

My love,

My heart aches for you. That will never stop. I will never understand what you’re going through, yet I empathize with you always. Your family is mine, and mine is yours. Your heart the other half of mine. So as I listen to you pour your heart out though these troubling times, all I can do is be a shoulder to lean on and friend. And hold back tears, because it is not my place to feel sadness. I must be strong for you, because you have been so strong for so long for everyone else. I will never understand why it is the people with the most pure, kind hearts who get stepped on the most. I pray to God He can relieve you from your pain, because at this point, He is our only hope. You and I are merely mortal, and I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve never experienced such anger and heartache and evil. I would do anything to help you in this time, but I am helpless. I can’t even hold you and tell you it will be ok. The truth is: I don’t know if it will ever be ok. I don’t know anything anymore. I only hope and pray that this is the last of the storm to pass through before we reach the end of the clouds. And you are so strong. Stronger than any person I have ever known. No one should go through what you have, yet you’ve done it with grace and maturity. My heart goes out to you. I love you always. 

I’ll just hold you

I’ll just hold you until it all goes away.

The bad. The tears.

I’ll hold your head against mine in the hopes,

That if I hold it tight enough, I can fix it all.

As your tears soak my shirt,

I can feel your heart beating against mine,

Swiftly. Trying to make up for the pain between your breaths.

I would wish anything on myself so you can be healed in this moment.

But for now I’ll just hold you in my arms.

—————————————————————————–

Written for someone whom I very much wish I could be holding in this moment.

Half

Life seems half empty,

Half sad,

Half cold,

When half of your heart

Seems half a world away.

The Hopelessness of a Romantic

hopeless (adj) 

     feeling or causing despair about something

Am I still considered a “hopeless” romantic if I’ve gotten everything I could possibly hope for?

There’s nothing hopeless about the situation.

Why is it always “hopelessly in love?”

I am not hopelessly in love.

I am blissfully in love. And joyously in love. And enthusiastically, freely, unequivocally in love.

How dare you degrade my love to being hopeless.

 

The first day

I wish I could go back to the first day we met.

I wish I could say to myself,

You have no idea what you’re doing.

You have no idea that this person

Will change your entire world.

And I’ll sit back and laugh at our awkward conversations from that day,

Because I know there’s many more to come.

I’ll watch this first encounter.

These two kids who are unsure if they’ll even see each other again

I’ll watch them.

These two who haven’t the slightest clue that they’re looking at their futures.

Written for us…

Quotes that were definitely, without a doubt, about us:

  1. “I would not wish any companion in the world but you, nor can imagination form a shape, besides yourself, to like of.” – William Shakespeare, The Tempest
  2. “You are my fish in the sea.” – Cleo Wade
  3. “The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever.” – Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
  4. “I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty…you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.” – J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
  5. “And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy.” -Plato
  6. “Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down…and kissed him. And the world cracked open.” – Agnes De Mille
  7. “yours is the light by which my spirit’s born:
    yours is the darkness of my soul’s return
    –you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars” – e. e. cummings
  8. “If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.” – Oscar Wilde
  9. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.” – John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
  10. He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
  11. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.” – Alfred Lloyd Tennyson
  12. “i love you much (most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky.” – e. e. cummings

  1. “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known—and even that is an understatement.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  2. “We loved with a love that was more than love.” – Edgar Allan Poe, Annabel Lee
  3. “I do love nothing in the world so well as you – is not that strange?” – William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
  4. “A soulmate is a meeting of mind, spirit and body with someone whose strengths, flaws and energy perfectly compliment your own. It is steady ground, a shelter in a storm, a point on a map when you are wayward and lost—the promise of a place to come home to for as long as you are here in the world.” – Beau Taplin
  5. “The sun is perfect and you woke this morning. You have enough language in your mouth to be understood. You have a name, and someone wants to call it. Five fingers on your hand and someone wants to hold it. If we just start there, every beautiful thing that has and will ever exist is possible. If we start there, everything, for a moment, is right in the world.” – Warsan Shire
  6. “I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow.” – Leo Christopher
  7. “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” – Plato
  8. “Fall in love with someone who tastes like adventure but looks like the calm, beautiful morning after a terrible storm.” – Nikita Gill

Dear you

Dear you,

Warsan Shire wrote,

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”

And though this is my work of writing, I must include her quote, because she wrote it so beautifully, so perfectly.

I’ve been alone most of my life. And I like it that way.

Solitude is indeed sweet.

The silence envelops me. It welcomes me with open arms, and I am content.

I thrive on it.

When I’m in the company of others, I prefer the quiet approach. I listen, observe. As if I’m merely on the outside looking in.

That is…until you.

Being with you has the same effect as looking up and seeing a shooting star the night sky.

Amazement. Beauty. Wonder. Excitement.

Only these two things can put such a true smile on my face and sparkle in my eye.

I still have no idea why it is that you chose me to be a part of your world.

Then again, I suppose you didn’t have a say in it any more than I had a say in you becoming a part of mine.

We’ve been over countless “what ifs” to figure out the probability of us ending up together.

The only explanation is that it was meant to be.

“I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”

You’re far sweeter.

So, darling, won’t you stay a while?

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